hello my name is Carbs
Dear Sir or Madam,
We represent The Carb family for claims arising from discriminatory actions (wrongful termination & slander) that have adversely affected employment & reputation. We submit the following summary of facts & settlement demands.
The Carbs are the body’s main source of energy. They are a large family with a worldwide presence including:
Complex Carbs (a.k.a. “Good/Healthy Carbs”). Long time residents of vegetables, fruits, legumes & whole grains. They release energy gradually, keep us fuller for longer & keep blood sugar & insulin stable. Proudly associated with micronutrients, phytonutrients, fiber & water.
Simple Carbs (a.k.a. Processed “Junk Food”). Stripped of nutrients, they are associated with free-loaders i.e. sodium, industrial chemicals, trans fats & preservatives. They stimulate appetite & leave us unsatisfied. Can also cause fluctuation in blood sugar & insulin levels.
Members of The Carb family have different contributions & digestive methods. But as a Carb, each is entitled to end up as glucose. And glucose is valuable. Every cell & muscle in the body needs it. Just the brain needs 130 grams per day. Yet in spite of these facts there is still widespread bias against our client. For years The Carbs have been suffering from public blacklisting due to anti-carb diets. But the body has suffered also. Too-low Carb intake can result in blood sugar swings, more body fat (esp around the middle), loss of bone density & muscle mass, anxiety, depression, inflammation, pain, fatigue & disrupted sleep.
The Carbs have no desire to be craved or make anyone fat. Carb intake should be evaluated & drawn from a variety of sources. Optimum intake varies by individual & is based on factors like activity level, goals, sensitivity & health concerns. The Carbs insist on payment of 4 calories per gram w/a minimum intake of 130g per day. This is non-negotiable. We subcontract Fiber at a rate of 35g per day for women & 48g for men with the added benefit of helping you poop. The Carbs desire a positive working relationship: providing needed energy in an environment of mutual appreciation & enjoyment.
Butter Your Macros & Assoc